BlackMan Time

Archive for November, 2009

I’ve been asked the question: “what do you like in a woman?” so many times that I thought I’d just put these thoughts down and see what happens. Unfortunately, I do not have a menu or list of requirements.

Things like big house, posh car, bags of money, fame, etc., are just material things. I tend to know more what could be a problem for me but if I like someone enough I’m willing to make the necessary sacrifice to make it work.

I like women who have the humility to understand that you don’t need to win every battle that it’s OK to hold your tongue or action if that’s required to make peace reign in a relationship.

I also love women who understand that a man will sometimes make mistakes or fail to interpret their actions and when he does he deserves another chance and/or respect for his ignorance. He should not to be castigated or thrown away with the bath water just because he didn’t “get you” at the first attempt.

Children

Women who already have children but yet find themselves single sometimes worry if they’ll find someone who will love both them and their offsprings. If a person truly love you then they’ll learn to love even your dog (and cat!) under the cellar or that relationship stands no chance of starting let alone surviving.

A woman who is brave enough to tell me exactly what she wants from me scores the biggest because many seem to think they should keep this piece of information in some darkened place where no man can see it. I once asked a woman to show me how to love her and she replied: “That’s not my place to tell you that. You should just know.”

Even if this was the case a little help would not hurt at all! Having grown up listening to music where the singer croons things like: “show me where to hold and touch you cos when it comes to loving I’m alright” I thought it was universally understood that we can and should teach each other about ourselves. After all we know ourselves better than anyone else.

But maybe some people see love as a kind of puzzle that you have to unravel piece by piece, clue by clue, until you finally stumble onto the solution. Why should it be this way? I just think we should learn to trust someone enough to be open with them or just leave them alone because it maybe that you’re just not ready to start a relationship with anyone. Or, at the very least, not with that person.

Emotional Slaughter

Some people fear or hate being alone and feel they’ve got to have a relationship by any means necessary yet have not moved on emotionally or sufficiently from their last one (or few!) relationships. This is so unfair on any new prospective partners because you are almost certainly tainting any new relationship with the negative chi of the past one(s).

A person who constantly talks about a past relationship in glowing terms or even tells you that “my ex was the best relationship I’ve ever had” just doesn’t realise what psychological damage they’re doing to a prospective relationship by putting pressure on a new one. If that ex was so great why is s/he an ex? I’m sure there’s more to be said on this topic but I’ll save it for another time. Or just click here to ask me directly.

In the end I dont have all the answers and I’m just a man willing to learn from my mistakes and the example of others. I don’t venture into relationships very easily and I try to be honest when I do.

I try not to play games with people’s emotions and tend to lay my cards out on the table once a relationship has reached a certain point where this will be respected. All anyone can ask or expect is the same courtesy to be shown and given.

Is this too much to ask?