BlackMan Time

Archive for February, 2009

I, of all persons, should really know that pouring cold water (or giving this impression) on someone’s big idea would only encourage them to want to drown me with the success of this same idea!

Apparently, this is what I did after an associate told me her big dream was to own an island. She interpreted my response on hearing this as me doubting her ability to accomplish it. Consequently she was mightily offended.

It wasn’t my intention to offend her, of course, but moments before she had told me how lethargic she was in implementing and staying focused on any particular project.

From experience I know it is almost impossible to deliver any project unless one is focused, have a plan and is disciplined to see it through to the end.

Realistic Dreams

This coupled to the fact that she actually doesn’t currently have the funds to buy this island, could have given me the idea she should be a little bit more realistic in her dreams.

Situations like these have tended to motivate me to do well. I remember hearing Bob Marley in an interview once saying he enjoyed when people fought against him because it gave him ammunition to write songs about them.

While I am not actively fighting against my associate I really do hope that she uses whatever doubt I may have expressed as her motivation and accomplish her dream island goal.

I only hope by then she remembers who inspired her and send my invitation to the island opening party!

People often ask me: “Who is really your true friend?” Usually, I answer: “Anyone who would give their life for me is my true friend…”

Reggae superstar Bob Marley’s love and friendship for a childhood friend called Vincent Ford prompted the above thought.

Ford, 68, who died last month from a diabetes-related illness, is credited with writing “No Woman No Cry”, “Crazy Baldhead” and two other songs on the 1976 album Rastaman Vibration.

The remarkable thing about all this is that Ford was not known as a song-writer at all. The actual fact is that Marley actually wrote the songs himself but credited Ford, a lifelong diabetic who lost both legs to the disease, with the accolade of songwriter for these titles. This ensured that Ford received the royalties from these recordings. It was an act of supreme charity, love and friendship.

Then I asked myself what my friend in a similar situation would do for me to prove their friendship. The status message provided the answer…

How do you prove your friendship?

I’m stepping on my soapbox now! I have this lovely friend who has this thing with always dating or having intimate relationships with married men or men who already have relationships with other women.

I’m no proud and I love this woman to death but her penchant for infidelity, liking other people’s property (OPP), turns me off her in a really big way. Even as a friend.

Why does she do it? What is it really saying about her, an attractive, bright, legal eagle with ambition? I don’t know…

I do know that everyone is free to live their lives as they see fit and that fornication (whatever that means without looking it up in a dictionary!) is prevalent, but that doesn’t make looking at a next woman’s man right. It is also bad karma and whatever goes around really does come back to bite you where it hurts the most.

As a result I purposely stay clear of a woman who tells me they’ve got a boyfriend or already married. If they complicate things by saying I “sort of” have a boyfriend I wait until they are clear about the kind of relationship they have. I try not to get involved this way because I do not want any of the negative chi or karma to rub off on me.

Anyway, I wish my friend could reconsider her actions. She tells me that it is hard to find a good, single man and sometimes I wonder whether her man-stealing actions aren’t the things stopping her from finding one.

Right, that’s it. I’ve stepped off the soapbox now! Your turn: what do you think?

It feels like I am flavour of the month with a few people at the moment. By people I’m talking particularly about female people!

Don’t get me wrong because I certainly am not complaining! I’m basking in the sunshine while it is out because I know pretty soon there will be a thunderstorm and the dark clouds of doom and uncertainty may descend. This is also a symbol of this merry-go-around called life.

If I try to analyse why am I currently so popular the only thing I can think of is because of the activities I am involved with. Clearly these, mostly professional, activities bring me into contact with all kinds of people. My manner of dealing with issues is to be professional, knowledgeable, unruffled and polite. Maybe I come across really pleasant, polite and a pleasure to do business with!

I actually don’t think about my image before I do these things: my action is just natural in this regard. But I do appreciate people telling me how much I have inspired them or helped them by anything I may say, do or write. It makes me want to do more!

Maybe it’s that old saying that reward sweetens labour. In which case I’d say: “more rewards please!”

I’ve found a new way to deal with disappointments: fling yourself into work!

I truly have no time to wallow in self-pity or to go one side and cry, although these are solutions for certain situations! I just find that if you focus your mind on something else while disappointment is kicking in you can cope better with the disappointment.

Occasionally, I find that I produce my best work during this period of disappointment. In fact certain activities don’t really happen unless something disappointing has happened to me.

Topping this list for me is writing poetry. Don’t ask me why but I can write certain poems only when I am suffering or extremely happy, if truth be told! Maybe poetry is a from-the-heart-and-soul thing and maybe a soul currently being tormented with hurt provides the best breeding ground for inspiration!

There maybe something in this sentiment. But, thing is, I really don’t want to have to depend on disappointment in order to create brilliant work. But it is good I can rebrand disappointment by refocusing my effort in a positive way.

How do you handle disappointment?

If a woman tells you right at the beginning of a relationship: “I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but we can be friends…” believe her!

Don’t stick around her hoping she might one day change her mind and fall passionately in love with you. She might but then again most probably she might not.

A woman who declares herself like this at the start of the relationship, especially during one of the first chatting sessions you have with her, is probably doing so for a number of reasons:-

1. Maybe she’s just not ready for a relationship at that point in her life. You know this because she said so stupid! So if you were hoping to start something serious with her move right along: nothing more to see here! You will probably be disappointed if you push ahead with this intention…
2. Maybe she thinks she does not want a relationship but might be bowled over by how well you treat her as just friends. This is a tricky one because at any point she can turn round and say: “I already told you that I didn’t want a relationship!” You lose, again. Remember to read the small print!
3. Maybe she want a relationship, only not with you! Again the answer in (1) applies.
4. On occasions maybe all she wants is someone to be there for her to do something specific that she may need. This is a tricky one so trod carefully.
5. Perhaps all she really want is someone to talk with, take her out while she gets over whatever issue is stopping her from diving into a relationship with you. If you’re happy with this then ride on brother! Otherwise tell her “thank you, but no…”
6. It could be that she really really don’t want a relationship at all but don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you so directly. You know you will get scorched if this is the case because you might spend time, money and energy on her and just when you think things are going well she will drop the bomb “I told you I’m not looking for a relationship” line on you. Ouch!

It is hard to accept any or most of whatever reasons a woman might give you, if you fail to hear her when at the outset she says she’s not looking for a relationship.

It is one of the fundamental failings of man that he just doesn’t listen to when a woman talks. He thinks his strong animal magnetism will bore a hole through her defences. It might. But then again better make sure your heart is made of the same strong stuff when she rejects you!

So, after being bombarded with many ads hitting me from all over the place Virgin finally persuaded me to sign up with them for internet connection.

Their campaign was so pervasive and plentiful! They were on billboard posters, radio, TV, internet sites, magazines, newspapers, leaflets through my letter box and text messages on my mobile phone!

I had nothing to lose because they promised to install the wires (this bit is funny because they said they were giving me a wireless connection!), set up the cable modem and give me a wireless router. I went for their size L internet package which I could try for 31 days and if I was not unhappy in that time I could cancel.

Mohammad, the Muslim technician who came to do the installation was professional and we rapped a little about his home country Morocco, as well as about politics.

Choose One!

But, at the end of his work he discovered that I could only have the phone package or the internet package due to the layout of my flat’s existing wiring. I chose the internet package because I was lured to Virgin by their claimed 20MB package.

Finally, after Mo had left I configured the main desktop computer and the wireless router onto my laptop and I was surfing! I didn’t really notice a great deal of improvement in speed though. So much for Virgin’s marketing hype.

However, to be honest, I was disappointed that I couldn’t have the internet and phone package as described. I felt Virgin should have already known this because they have made numerous other installations in the area. I was left to bemuse the fact that Virgin came to flat and couldn’t complete the package I had ordered.

Typically, I thought, for Virgin to not go all the way!

No matter what singer Chris Brown’s reputation and status was before he allegedly beat up his girlfriend Rihanna, you can bet he has zero credibility with women right now.

He acknowledges this and has, in fact, already started a damage limitation exercise, releasing statements saying how sorry he is and showing general signs of public remorse.

But, look at this photo of Rihanna¹. Who looks the most sorry? We are assuming this image represents the aftermath of whatever argument/fight/disagreement that occurred between the lovers a few weeks back, of course.

If this shows what we think it does then Chris Brown is basically living on borrowed time and should be convicted of assault.

We understand that love sometimes hurt but when it is taken this literally it becomes a criminal offence. And no one, least of all a cowardly singer of meagre talent, should be allowed to soar, let alone rise above it.

Now, let’s see if the Los Angeles police, which has been making direct threats to take action, fulfill their promoise to take effective action on this matter…

1. Photo courtesy of TMZ.com [↩]

London’s Metropolitan police force would love you to think nice, positive things about it, their officers and everything they do to serve and protect your interest.

But, if I am being realistic about it, they would rather beat me up, murder me, frame me for a crime I didn’t commit or make my life as miserable as possible.

This is what they apparently do, being an organisation that systematically single out Black people for special attention!

These sentiments are not entirely my own: they come as a result of the findings of a number of police watchdog groups and from London Met Police police themselves!

Special Force!

One of the groups critical of the police force is The Race and Faith Inquiry which opened earlier this week to examine why black and ethnic minority officers are more likely to leave the force and are less successful in gaining promotion than their white counterparts.

Another organisation, the Runnymede Trust, concludes that Black and Asian people still suffered discrimination in the police service and at the hands of the police. In fact Black people were six times more likely to be stopped and searched by Met Police than white people.

The thing which disgust yet amuses me is how the Met. Police really believe they can get respect from anyone when they act with such disrespect towards some of the more vulnerable people within society.

If they want to receive big respect they got to sew the seeds of impartiality and fairness evenly all over the cornfield and not just in the areas they favour the most.

Trust is one of those genies where once it’s been released from the bottle, there’s no going back. Part of its mystique and charm is the fact it has a special quality and it requires that you pay it the highest respect in order for it to remain special.

If, by chance, you violate that respect that’s it: you may as well move along for there will be nothing to see there! Broken trust cannot be mended no matter how much you try. At the back of your mind there will always be the doubting question or suspicion: “I can never trust him/her/that situation again…”

If there was anything worth being trusted before it is now gone, lost forever. It takes at least two people to trust and if only one is doing the trusting, then it just doesn’t work. If only one is observing the sacred veil of trust, presumably the other is playing the Judas role by betraying the trust.

I know you will probably think this zero tolerance approach sounds a bit harsh. And, yeah, you’re right. It is harsh.

It is also sad when two people who really like each other cannot be honest enough with each other to admit they messed up pretty badly or cannot maintain trust. They then have to resort to subterfuge to break the trust that previously existed between them.

That is really the sad thing. But then life is made of such a material…