BlackMan Time

Archive for January, 2008

I wish I was the kind of person who could hear someone talk badly about me and I just sit there and smile, uncaringly. Maybe I could even turn the other cheek as they continue to insult and aggravate me. But, I know me and I know I would probably retaliate in some way and defend myself. It may not be very pretty…

Maybe life would be so much more interesting if I could sit with two-faced people and exchange devious conversation with them, but I don’t lap tail with such people as far as I can identify them and I try not to play the two-faced hypocritical game.

If only I could keep my mouth shut when I hear people talking lies and untruths about the people I love or care about, but I can’t seem to do that. Pride, dignity and the need to enforce justice gets in the way of inertia and I have to act. Do something…

Those who can turn a blind eye when they should be vigilant are possibly afflicted with myopia. Those who can pretend not to hear evil being plotted against them is probably stricken with deafness. And those who refuse to protest or use their voice to register their opposition is probably dumb.

Maybe the problem with the world is that we all try to fit people into neat little pigeon holes not realising that human beings are just too big to fit into pigeon holes!

Isn't that a shame…

It doesn’t matter how big, or small you are, you just don’t diss a Jamaican audience. Especially in their own backyard!

Superstar singer Diana Ross has just learnt this lesson to her cost when she appeared at the 2008 Air Jamaica Jazz & Blues Festival in Montego Bay on Saturday, January 26.

The 40,000 strong crowds apparently booed and heckled her after she refused to have her face and image relayed over giant monitors so that people at the back of the stadium could see her performance.

After paying between £40 ($80) to £153 ($307) per ticket the attendees were understandably displeased that they were not able to get the interactive performance they were expecting.

Maybe Ross, 63, simply hated the thought of her advancing years and wrinkles being amplified on screen and taking over the show! If that was the case surely she could have papered over the cracks with some make up or something.

But really, what does a heterosexual man know about such things!

Photo: Diana Ross without makeup. Ramey/TMZ

I was drinking juice by a well known brand the other day and was surprised to learn that there was only 5% of real juice in it! The rest of the ingredients were sugar, concentrate juice and colouring. So much for fruit juice being real!

As I delved deeper into my discovery I learnt that fruit beverages can be labelled in three ways. They can be called fruit juice, fruit drink or fruit flavoured drink. How do they differ? The answer, of course, is the level of real fruit they contain. There are three types of fruit juices. These are:-

1. Fruit juice not made from concentrate.
2. Fruit juice made from concentrate.
3. Fruit juice blends.

But which has the most real fruit content? By definition (and by law in most places) beverages labelled as ‘fruit juices’ should contain 100% real fruit juice. To me any so-called ‘real fruit juice’ containing less than 100% real fruit is a fraud!

A fruit drink usually has to contain at least 5% of real juice content to be labelled as a fruit drink. These often contain sugar, flavourings, colours, preservatives and food acids and are cheaper than fruit juice.

Fruit flavoured drinks usually contain less than 5% of real fruit and are a blend of sugars, flavourings, colours, preservative and food acids.

It would be interesting for you too to take the real juice test, to see how much actual fruit your juice contains. Here’s what you do: raid your fridge and look at the juice content of all the fruit juices you have in there. You might be unpleasantly surprised!

Being handsome, attractive, beautiful or even pretty is both a blessing and a curse. If you’re a woman you will attract the attention of many men and the wannabe desire of some women. You may even attract a little jealousy. Generally, most men will be attracted to you initially because of the way you look. What’s inside your head is of little or no consequence to them!

If you’re a handsome man you will attract the attention of many women. The ones who are interested will think: “He’s so fine he can get any woman he wants and I bet he’s a bit of a womaniser too!” The men will secretly admire your confidence with woman and the apparent ease with which you rapport with them. This admiration will border on envy; they wished they had your confidence.

Inside, all you are doing is just be you as much as you can. And the person you know yourself to be is nothing like the various groups have pictured you. Ultimately you will scare off the woman you really like because they will think they have no chance with you because they will have to join a line behind the other women queuing up for your affection and they are not into doing stuff like that.

If you approach them you will have to work so hard, mainly in convincing them that you are not exactly the “womaniser” they think you are, that the frustration will zap away your interest.

It can be such devilishly hard work being handsome!

A certain brethren was at a dinner function attended by a select group of finely dressed people. And he was seated beside a really gorgeous looking young woman, this side of 30, around the tastefully decorated 10-seat table.

Our brethren, being single with half an eye out for anyone who could help him create a new title, most probably that of girlfriend or even partner, struck up immediate conversation with this woman. She got into her element and before long it was as if they were the only two people on the table.

But, the other guests on that table started their own conversations and before you knew it conversations were crisscrossing across all sides of the table.

As the night progressed he found himself drawn to this woman: she seemed to have so many qualities he liked. And when they posed for unofficial photographs they found themselves hugging each other. She didn’t mind putting an arm around him and he reciprocated by putting his arm around her waist and shoulder for subsequent shots. They looked so cute together people kept whispering in his ear: you really like her, don’t you?”

He had to admit it was true. He liked the way she felt on his arm but he tried his best not to think too much about it…

When all the official formalities were over and it was time to hit the dance floor he drew her to one side after a break in the schedule. They met by the main bar and as she ordered a drink he made a move. “I would really like to invite you out to somewhere nice, if you wouldn’t mind,” he said. He tried to make it sound as natural, yet confident as he could. After a beat she answered: “I would love to but I’m afraid I’m not that way inclined…”

He was puzzled for a moment. What did she mean: “not that way inclined…” So he asked. “You mean you don’t like to be invited out or you just don’t like going out on dates?” She responded: “No, I much rather prefer women.”

At first he tried to neutralise the shock, but the more he thought of it is the more he couldn’t stop the urge to say “no, no, no!” with each successive no increasing in volume as they tumbled out of his mouth. “My God,” he said. “I had no idea…”

It finally dawned on him that he had to deflect his attention elsewhere. He reasoned that to continue being friends with her is just one small consolation to having met her.

But inside his heart was looking for a quiet place to hide and recover from its wound…

I’d only just about decided that I could actually make a friend’s wedding in Liverpool, England today when the groom called me last night to ask if I could actually be good enough to do the photography!

Apparently their contracted photographer has had to pull out for whatever reason (I didn’t ask) and they needed the event covered, naturally.

The groom, an accomplished photographer himself, took trouble to explain how the camera worked and cautiously asked if I was actually, erm, familiar with taking pictures.

My first thoughts were if he had doubts about me taking pictures of his wedding then he shouldn’t even be asking me! What actually came out of my mouth was: “I used to be a professional photographer working in the media. I studied photography full time and I got a…”

I wasn’t even allowed to finish when he said: “You don’t need to brag; I just wanted to know if you can take pictures!” But then I responded: “I wasn’t bragging; I was just telling you photographic qualifications.”

The day turned out great and many of the wedding groups told me afterwards they were impressed with how I handled the photography. The bridal couple were happy too.

I couldn’t help thinking on my drive back to London: I got invited as a guest to a wedding but ended up being the photographer!

Isn’t life exactly like that though: full of surprises!

A London Black Cab taxi driver was very upset at the Congestion Charge, even though as a cabbie he was exempt from paying it!

He was driving me earlier today from an address in Euston to the offices of the Guardian newspaper and he was absolutely incensed that the mayor was forcing people to pay £40 (around $80) per week if regularly use the Congestion Charge route.

“If I was one of them payers, I’d be livid,” taxi driver said. “What are they paying forty quid a week for when the Congestion Charge hasn’t made a blind bit of difference to the amount of traffic on the roads?”

Since the CC was introduced he has not seen what new benefits it has been for Londoners whose live and work in those affected areas, he said. “So, I have to assume the people who are benefitting the most are Ken Livingstone and his people at Transport for London…”

It was refreshing to get the independent opinion of an experienced road user talking about how his life has been affected, in any way, since the introduction of the controversial Congestion Charge.

It’s a very sobering, sanity check!

It is somewhat funny when certain sounds comes out of people’s mouths and you just know that no matter how hard you try, you just cannot make yourself believe they are genuine.

Currently, the greatest example of this is US President George W. Bush telling people he is in actual fact a peacemaker! When I first heard him say this I could not stop falling off my chair! In fact I had to bolt it to the ground and strap myself in just to make sure I didn’t move at all. But even after all that the fit of laughter just couldn’t be contained! George W. Bush a peacemaker! There I go again…

After killing off hundreds of thousands of non-combatant in Afghanistan and the Middle East, among them Saddam Hussein, scheming and conniving to gain control of key supplies of Middle Eastern oil, threatening to wipe Iran off the map with high powered bombs etc. here he comes remaking himself as a peacemaker.

That is never going to happen while there are people still alive who remembers he is directly responsible for the deaths of their loved ones, family or friends.

Not even posing as the central figure between two of the leading fighting factions in the Middle East will wipe away the memories and sanctioned war crimes.

When I utter the word Peacemaker I do not see an image of George W. Bush. I tend to recall names like Henry Kissinger – gee, I’m going back a bit here! Even British peace envoy Terry Waite and comes to mind.

I’m afraid George W. Bush can attempt to fool, or buy his way into people’s hearts and minds with his cruel “I’m a peacemaker joke” but I for one will continue to laugh at just the very idea…

PICTURE: US President George W. Bush, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, left, and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas clasp hands during the Middle East peace summit in Annapolis, Md., Tuesday, Nov. 27, 2007. © 2007 Brooks Kraft at Corbis for TIME

Whichever way I look at things, it still feels weird to be surrounded by people calling themselves your friend who you know are actually working against you.

They always make a bee-line to have a conversation with you and as lunchtime approaches they announce loudly so that all the office can hear that they want to have lunch with you today. Later they will relate to others how they can’t stand your guts, blah blah blah…

Sometimes you see them open their mouths and greet you in the warmest and friendliest way, but again you know that as soon as your back is turned they stick the daggers in.

You are not paranoid in imagining these things because unbeknown to a particular ‘friend enemy’ of yours, you share a mutual friend who is ‘kind’ enough to reveal details of conversations about you with you. And you didn’t even ask for such a service!

When you see such dynamics at work first hand it is easy to understand why they say: “keep your friends close but your enemies closer still.” It may well be that your worse enemy is in actual fact your best friend and your best friend your worse enemy.

It’s important not to get them mixed up in this two-faced world!

I have always wondered what was going through Hilary Clinton’s mind when her husband Bill Clinton was busy checking other women. Whether it was some pretty (dumb) blonde or a fresh (dumb) intern, I’m sure she would have known about them all but chose to remain silent because it was politically expedient to do so.

Publicly she probably told people that her private life is her own affairs and not a matter for public consumption. Privately she probably didn’t care as long as it didn’t interfere with her political ambitions.

Imagine our surprise that it has taken nearly 10 years and in the middle of her bid to become president that Hilary has felt the need to reveal some of these thoughts. Why has it taken so long? Maybe after seeing how much her Crocodile Tears saved her hide in New Hampshire she realises that softening up and letting people see she actually has a human, emotional side is not a bad thing. Again, it is politically expedient.

This new found willingness and ability to pull any kind of rabbit out of the hat in her bid to defeat Barack Obama to become the Democratic candidate for presidency, is what makes any promise Hilary makes unable to swallow.

Ruthlessly Expedient

At this stage Hilary Rodham Clinton will do anything and say almost anything to become the one the Democrats choose, even if she has to destroy Obama to get there. The more I hear and see her is the more she comes across like former British Prime Minister Tony Blair in a skirt. It’s all about spin, promises and saying the things she feels will get her elected.

She talks about change but the only change she really wants is her in power and by any means necessary.

Currently she is selling herself as if she has something new to offer and people have started to gravitate towards her as she espouse her doctrine of change. But, over time, if she gets elected and installed as America’s first female President, she will be exposed as an enforcer of the status quo and nothing will have changed under administration.

Getting to the top would have been a lot of fun, but being there would have been all of it and staying there would be like all her holidays coming at once!

This is why I am routing for Barack Obama because what you see is more or less what you get (as much as you can from any politician) and he has no legacy of having already been in the White House so he is probably more believable when he delivers his message of change.