BlackMan Time

Archive for 2008

I’m actually quite reluctant to let the year 2008 go! I give thanks it’s been a very good year, in many ways, and one is always reluctant to let a thing good thing slip away.

Alas, I have no control over such matters and so with an expectant and open mind I look forward to the New Year.

Usually I welcome change, but I wish the old year could have gone on for a little longer. Or maybe whatever good fortunes came my way during 2008 will continue in 2009. This is my broadest wish anyway…

One of the achievements I’m most proud of is the fact I was able to attain my goal of writing one article a day for the entire 366 days of 2008. I now have the basis for several books when all these thoughts are compiled, extended and edited. I’m sure any good publisher (and an agent!) will be beating a path to my door any day now!

Further, this BMT blog is gaining popularity beyond my initial expectations. It has shown a 1,000% increase (according to Alexa, the internet statistics people) over the last three months. More growth is expected next year too!

There are many more reasons to be cheerful but I won’t go into them now. All I’d like to do is to wish you a happy New Year and hope you will continue to read/visit BMT and enjoy it as much as I’ve enjoyed bringing it to you.

Let’s drink to that so that when we look back on 2009 we can say: “Didn’t we have a great time?”

Cheers!

How many times this year have you been caught out by internet or web scams? It may be something as innocent as being blackmailed into forwarding an email to friends, else something bad will happen to you!

Anyway, a friend sent me this amusing email which outlined a number of the more prevalent internet scams ever devised. See what you think…

As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Top Savings

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Drink Up

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I’ll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Drop Axed

I can’t even pick up the five bucks I found dropped in the car park because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting under my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s plumber – and it was on Good Morning Australia.

By the way…. did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don’t have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late…

Regards,

Your friend

Wow! Time sure does fly! How old do you think the humble DVD audio visual format is? Go on, have a guess! Three years? Five? No! If you say 10 you’re awfully close but the real answer is 11 years! Yes, that’s right.

For some reason I was under the illusion it’s only been onto the market for around three to five years but when I had to research audio formats over the years, I was surprised to re-discover that the DVD format has actually been out since 1997! Hard to believe, isn’t it?

The DVD, aka the “Digital Versatile Disc” or “Digital Video Disc”, is still indeed a popular optical disc storage media format. Its main uses are video and data storage. Among the most common DVD formats¹ are:-

• DVD-ROM – has data that can only be read and not written.
• DVD-R and DVD+R – can record data only once and then function as a DVD-ROM.
• DVD-RW, DVD+RW and DVD-RAM – can both record and erase data multiple times.

At the speed at which technology is advancing there’s no telling what the DVD’s future will be. Already we have new formats lapping at his heels.

These include the Blue Ray Disc (introduced in 2006) and slotMusic² (introduced earlier this year!), a type of microSD a removable secure digital flash memory card introduced this year, developed by SanDisk preloaded with music in MP3 format.

In fact with so much technology flying around it’s a wonder the DVD has lasted this long! Watch this space…

1. Thanks to Wikipedia for research information. [↩]
2. See more about slotMusic here [↩]

The other day I had to configure a web form for a client to capture the ethnic background¹ of their website subscribers. The form had the following categories:-

• White
• Black Caribbean
• Black African
• Afro Caribbean
• Black Other
• Indian
• Pakistani
• Bangladeshi
• Chinese
• Turkish
• Turkish/Cypriot
• Vietnamese
• Irish
• Other (please specify)

According to the company this information is required in order to satisfy some equalities directive or other. They say it’s to ensure someone’s race does not deny them the opportunity of being treated equal. I disagree with them entirely!

I actually see such forms as the gateway to highlighting your ethnicity thereby encouraging others to discriminate against you. In fact the very opposite of the stated aims!

As a result whenever I have to fill out such forms I either refuse to, as is currently my right, or I tick the ‘Other’ box.

Afro Style

On another tip I’d love to know what an Afro Caribbean person is! Since the afro, a hairstyle went out in the 1970s and, in any event, there is no country called “Afroland” or quite simply “Afro” so I struggle to know what an Afro Caribbean person is.

If anything I would change this classification to African Caribbean which would make better sense. And what if you’re a Hispanic or Native American person? Where would you fit in using the ethnic classification above?

Little niggling things like these, to me, are pointers that the sole purpose of this form is to collect information on people of colour in order to establish a platform to discriminate against them if needs be.

1. Composite photo manipulation by Hammer BlackMan shows four faces joined in quarters. [↩]

One of the best things to have emerged out of this year’s so-called “festive season” is the fact that I’ve been able to reconcile with one or two old friends. Now, let me clarify both “reconcile” and “old”.

I have to do this because those affected may actually read this blog, recognise themselves and feel disrespected!

Yes, you’ve guessed it: I don’t have the luxury of anonymity again since so many more people are actually reading this to see “what’s in that little head of yours!” to quote one good friend!

Like most people I do sometimes have to agree to disagree with some of the people I love and respect. When this happens it’s sometimes best for us to avoid each other until the heat has cooled. After the cooling period reconciliation can take place. Not to mention the joy and celebration!

As for the old well, it’s meant as in “having known someone for a long time”. No sleight intended.

I wonder what surprises are in store for the New Year!

The problem with the truth is that it forces people to confront themselves about their attitude towards certain realities. Conversely ignorance allows the luxury of avoiding such a collision.

It is usually the strong, brave or foolhardy who are insistent on facing the truth. These kinds of people also tend to have the same character trait to those who deliberately step into a den of lions or engage in dangerous sports like bungee jumping!

The timid, cautious or weak prefers to live in ignorance. They argue that what they don’t know won’t actually hurt them, which is expressly not true.

The naive are the ones who truly believe outlining and declaring the truth will make a situation better in all circumstances. But then that’s like saying throwing gasoline on an open fire will not encourage the fire to blaze up!

The politicians are the ones who will spin the truth until it puts them in a good light.

The liars, meanwhile, will ask: “truth? what truth?”

I wish I could feel the merriment that everyone else seems to be enjoying at this time of the year.

When people say “Merry Christmas” are they talking about December 25th? Or are they talking about the entire period from Christmas Eve to New Year’s Day?

I’m ambivalent about Christmas. I know the significance as far as so-called Christians are concerned but for most people it’s just an opportunity to have a day off from work.

Maybe I’m a little scenical in making this observation, but it always fascinates me how Santa is an anagram of Satan, yet the whole Santa Claus story is wrapped up in love and fed to innocent children like a wholesome meal. Nothing really makes sense at this time of the year.

Bankrupt

People go all out to bankrupt themselves to get gifts and presents they cannot afford, all in the name of marking the birthday of a man who was conceived without sex and who most probably was not even born on December 25th!

Today people will gorge themselves on the modern equivalent of the fatted calf, drink themselves into oblivion and dangle mistletoe branches over the head of someone they fancy, as an excuse to get intimate with them.

It’s a day to unwind, let yourself go, indulge in wild, reckless behaviour; by midday it is all over and things will almost instantly return to normal.

Isn

It’s amazing how similar the UK’s current economic, political and financial situation is in comparison to the above scenario.

I cannot choose between Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown or Conservative David Cameron as to whom I dislike the most. They are equally odious in different yet similar ways.

To me both of them are not capable of running the country. They just drift with the wind and hope a favourable gust will blow them in the right direction.

I would never contemplate voting for a Conservative or Republican politician but I can

I went to a sauna last night and boy, it was fun! After nearly two hours of steaming and roasting myself in a wet, furnace fire environment, I felt as if God had given me a brand new body!

Suddenly joints that had ached were fluid and ready to run! I could hop, skip and even jump: I had so much spring I could give a frog a run for its money!

In the steam room, where both men and women sat in a little group discussing life’s little foibles, I felt like was in a giant cooking pot.

After around 15 minutes of this I stepped out to try the sauna room. I felt like I was in an oven, baking. Breathing felt like fire was coming through my nose and mouth. I grinned (or grimaced!) and bear it. At the end what I was hoping for was the benefits of enduring such intense heat.

These benefits include:- rejuvenating, deep cleansing – hydrating the skin; boosting my immune system and promoting antibody production; enhancing the respiratory system, helping eliminate toxins and many more.

Will I be back next week for more? You bet! I’m even thinking of taking out a yearly membership and getting a personal trainer to help me design a body sculpture regime whilst I’m at it!

It always makes me laugh when I see the extent to which some people will go to remove "Christ" from Christmas!

Maybe they are rampant atheists, blatant anti-Christians, non-believers or believers of other faiths, many people seem happier to say Merry Xmas instead.

What are they so afraid of? Is the word "Christ" so powerful it can stir up such hatred/dislike within people?

In America they’ve taken to saying "Happy Holidays" a trend which is now catching up in the UK, a place where authorities