BlackMan Time

Archive for June, 2007

It is the right of anyone in a supposedly democratic society to be able to say whatever they feel without fear. Freedom of speech is supposed to be like that.

The only problem with freedom of speech is that if you exercise your right to speak and say something that offends someone or any specific group, then immediately they seek to take away your freedom. What is the use of freedom if you cannot exercise it how you see fit? It doesn’t make sense that freedom of speech is something that’s regulated by society.

A strong case in point is expressing any view which gives the impression you are against homosexuality and the act of homosexuality. It doesn’t seem to matter to a homosexual if you make it abundantly clear that you are not against individual people who might indulge in such activities. No! All they will hear in their head is that you don’t like homosexuals, gays and lesbians.

Immediately they will label you homophobic and spread knowledge of your alleged homophobia around the pink and general media network. Next thing they are demanding you make a public service announcement showing remorse, in order to be rehabilitated into society.

Personally, I think it’s all a load of bull. If I felt strong on any subject and voiced my feelings about it, no one could force me to retract it. It’s obvious that not everything people say will please everyone all the time. Yet there are some who will quite gladly  edit or monitor your freedom and take it away if you don’t say the kind of things they don’t want you to say

Maybe the best thing is for people not to say things in public what they cannot defend, if push comes to shove…

One of the things which inspired singer Bob Marley to greatness was the opposition he faced in his life. The things and people who acted as obstacles in the way of his progress provided the inspiration for many of his lyrics.

I drew great pleasure from this in my own life and have used it to propel me forward similarly.

The first time I came across this opposition phenomena was at secondary (or high) school. A teacher, her name was Mrs. Wearing, told me in front of the entire class that I would never amount to anything in my life.

Maybe this was her way of motivating (or belittling) me, I just don’t know. At the time I felt very strongly that she really meant it and I thought it was a very effed up thing to do, even if there was a good intention behind it.

I felt there were better ways to motivate a person, other than belittling them. But then probably that is the English way of doing things.

The way how we Jamaicans do things is quite different. We tend to boost rather than reduce a person’s character. It works wonders and empowers both you and your charge to see the ego and determination inflate rather than deflate.

Ultimately, when you underestimate someone you can unwittingly empower them to want to shove their success down your throat. If there is a moral to the story it is simply this: be careful who (or what!) you insult or put down, they may get inspired to ram their foot through your stomach!

Finally, the Genie/Fairy God Mother/(add your own favourite dream deliverer here) has granted Gordon Brown his most precious wish: he is now Britain’s 53rd Prime Minister. That was yesterday when he succeeded Tony Blair whose popularity had plunged so much he was a liability to the Labour party.

Also, Blair had already outlived his welcome exacerbated by his decision to line up the country behind the USA to illegally invade Iraq under the lie of securing freedom and democracy, but that’s another story.

What most people here are wondering is whether Brown, who served as Chancellor for all of Blair’s tenure and taxed Britain to death, will actually come with anything new, different or even exciting.

As if to anticipate people’s expectations Brown’s first speech had a message of “change” running through it. As a politician he did what he knows best and made promises after promises about the need for change in almost everything. But how credible and sincere is this goal?

The only thing I can gauge Brown by is the fact when he was Chancellor he taxed Britain so much that phrases like “rip off Britain” is now in vogue and living in the UK has become probably the most expensive in Europe. But I’m sure he will talk about how prosperous and stable Britain has become as a result. This may or may not be true. What is relevant is how his political party being in power has impacted on people’s lives.

With this in mind I can say without doubt that under this regime house prices have not only taken off but they have now landed on the moon and are currently building a space station there! Health care is in a mess as is education and street crime is becoming more prevalent than in a war zone.

If people like first time homebuyers and others cannot even get a foot on the first rung of that social ladder, they are not too interested in how paper rich and stable the UK economy is. If Brown can satisfy this need in people he will be a success.

Failure to do this will ensure he is out of office at the first hurdle. Let’s watch that space and see…

I have often thought the best place to hide is where people least expect to find you. Thus the best place to hide the truth is to embed it within a lie or where it would be incongruous to find truth. This would certainly do the trick, if only for a while, depending on the lie and the hiding place it occupies.

Few would think to look within the church/temple/mosque/place or worship to find Satan, right? That’s because worshippers, especially those who profess to be true believers in God (in whatever guise they view him/her), generally place a high premium on faith and belief. It is hard or impossible to be a true believer in God if you actually have no faith.

Yet, looking around at the behaviour of some apparently religiously devout folks, it seems obvious that Satan clearly exists in their hearts and places where they worship and pay homage to God.

As members of their church/temple/mosque/place they can easily cloak themselves inside a blanket of respectability. Then, outwardly, give the impression they follow a religiously righteous path while inwardly they are infested with corrupt, deceitful, immoral and rotten to the core thoughts.

Their deception may never be exposed by many but God sees all so their attempt is futile in his/her eyes. Thus, they are only fooling themselves and some people. They cannot fool God. Sometimes I wish God would do something tangible to show his disapproval.

I guess I will have to continue living. In faith, of course!

I feel it for the guy who has just been jailed for refusing to pay his ex-wife child support. His reason for not paying is that his three children spend half their lives with him!

The problem with the law and Britain’s Child Support Agency is that they are both ill-conceived and wrong. They side with the woman in such cases and are far too happy to intervene in what should be people’s personal private lives.

The man in this case, Michael Cox, a lawyer , chose not to pay maintenance for 12 years claiming the system is ‘oppressive, unjust and discriminatory’ towards men. I couldn’t agree more.

Despite caring for his sons for half the week, he is expected to pay the CSA for the time they spend with their mother – because they are officially resident with her.

Cox’s ex-wife is apparently not asked to contribute towards the boys’ upkeep. Is this fair?

In his defence told the British court: ‘I have been referred to as an absent father but that’s not what I am. I’m a father who well knows the obligation to his children and I discharge that obligation. I feed all my children. I clothe them. I house them – that’s what I spend my money on…”

Then the court jailed him for 42 days. If that is justice then it’s no wonder some people prefer to take the law into their own hands and ignore legality.

I did not make a big deal out of it when on holiday in Jamaica a female friend offered to exchange my pounds sterling for a better Jamaican dollar exchange rate then claimed the rate difference for herself. “It’s my account,” she said. “And I’m just doing you a favour…” Or something to that effect.

She seemed to think it was okay to do this without telling me until afterwards, even though it was my money! I let the moment pass without a fuss…

When I wanted a particular business service which was no longer being offered by this public sector company, she knew of a friend who could help me get it. She came back to me days later and quoted a price to get the service. It seemed reasonable so I had no problem with it.

Thinking that I could somehow pay the company providing the service directly instead of sending the money by Western Union as my friend had suggested, I phoned up the company. The price they quoted me was different to the price my friend had said earlier. When I spoke to her about it, a very strange thing happened. She became loud, angry and somehow agitated that I was coming in lower than what her associate had quoted. Her last words to me before she hung up the phone were: “That’s the price. If you don’t want it then fine…”

Her attitude and reason for her agitation baffled me at first. This was someone with whom I was intimately closer than a friend who suddenly, over money, had become a business monster! I decided I didn’t want the service under these circumstances.

Net Benefit

As an amateur psychologist I had to decipher her behaviour. The only thing I could think of that made any sense was that maybe she was somehow hoping to benefit from the transaction. Perhaps her friend had agreed to get me the service, maybe for a price or maybe not and she had decided to add a bit on top for herself.

Something like this was possible, I thought, given the aforementioned exchange rate incident. But this was so silly because I didn’t have a problem to pay the price that had been quoted. I just didn’t like the way it was presented to me and I certainly didn’t like the way she attempted to “bad me up” with the take it or leave it ultimatum.

If she had said that either she or her associate was requesting a fee to get the service I would have had no problem with that. But acting in an apparently sneaky manner then getting angry and clicking off the phone over the price threw up more suspicion than what you expect from a supposedly healthy relationship.

Somewhere along the line communications broke down, our lines got crossed or I became public enemy number one; I just don’t know. All I know is that money seems to have played a part in all this when it needn’t have done. I’m neither poor nor short on ideas of how to make the stuff and my line is still open for discussion…

What do you think happened?

When I was a youth it used to irritate me when I got caught stealing food from our own fridge or larder! Coming to think of it I’m trying to remember why it was a such big deal for me to take it in the first place!

Anyway, various aunties used to berate me with: “Why didn’t you come and ask before you take it?” And I used to stand/sit there, thinking and feeling so guilty.

But then they would add: “Next time you want something just come and ask!” So, when the next time came I went and asked, but guess what they would then say: No! So, my way to deal with the rejection was never to ask again. From then on I just took what I wanted but became adept at avoiding capture/discovery!

Right from those early years I learnt that adults were really two faced and hypocritical. I didn’t know such terms then but all I knew (and felt) was a great sense of injustice. This is because they told me that I should ask before I take things, giving me the impression that the very act of asking was somehow the proper way to go about getting. Yet, when I asked they said no!

Trust me; it was a valuable lesson to learn. Today, however, I prefer to be asked rather than someone presumes it is okay to take from me without my knowledge. I just can’t deal with the deception and I feel as if a mosquito is taking a bite out of me.

God knows I hate mosquitoes!

Sexual jealousy is a real concept! Few people are actually aware of this affliction but it certainly exists and affects men and women differently.

Men are certainly more prone to express anxiety over sexual jealousy – they hate the idea of having to share their partners’ sexual attention – much more than women.

On the other hand, women are more prone to emotional jealousy – they hate the idea of having to share their partners’ love – than men.

This is just another manifestation of the “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” concept, I’m sure. But, somewhere in the middle we have a situation of insecurity arising out of what each side is thinking, doing, imagining or feeling. The net effect causes stress.

So, how do I know so much about this? Easy, I’ve been there and done that! I’d be lying if I said I am no longer prone to sexual jealousy but now I try my best to make better choices when it comes to women. This is a key consideration in trying to live a stress free life that has a relationship attached.

The alternative, I guess, is just to keep single. But that is another story!

I’ve never been one to join private members clubs or so-called elite societies. But suddenly, I find myself being invited to these kinds of organisations with increasing regularity. The surprising thing is that I don’t seem to have a problem with this today whereas in my youth it may have been a no-no.

I used to think private members clubs were places where dirty old men go and ogle naked women who were brought in especially for the purpose. Maybe the reason why I’m apparently so comfortable with the concept now is because I’ve become a dirty old man! If this is the case where exactly are the naked women???

Maybe I’m going to or accepting invitations to attend the wrong members clubs!

Anyway, what I’m finding is that these clubs are comfortable, quite well run places where society’s better offs and aspirants go to strut their stuff, chill, discuss business with associates or whatever the blazes they want! They are not cheap, as you would expect so that definitely rules out the poor, grassroots people.

I have a strong feeling this is the main reason I never joined private members clubs in the past!

I never seem to click with women who do not take life seriously. The ones who live by the credo: “We’ve only got one life to live so why take it so seriously. Lighten up, man!”

On the other hand I don’t seem to click with women who take life too seriously too! So, by a process of elimination, I guess, my ideal woman would be someone who can have a laugh at things and be serious when it is necessary.

Maybe I just prefer a balanced woman! Yeah, I’m beginning to think this is it. But then I’ve met some women who appear balanced but on closer inspection in the getting-to-know-them stage, they’ve turned out to be somewhat unhinged!

It is easy to make lists of what qualities you like in a person but the reality is such lists only limit your choices further and since list-making simply allow you to put all similarly specified eggs (or bananas, etc.) into a pigeon hole, they are essentially useless.

There’s nothing to beat an unplanned, spontaneous encounters however, although these tend to be short-lived. Whichever way you look at relationships are tricky.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could buy a satellite navigation (sat nav!) device that could lead you directly to your perfect partner? The only problem you’d have to worry about then is if the instrument malfunctioned and led you to a partner from hell!